Tonight I struggled in dealing with raw pain. There are many times in life when pain occurs randomly, from those we don't know or don't know very well. However, when those we love and trust with our innermost secrets and our greatest strengths/weakness, when they attack us without warning - the pain is beyond description. This evening I was broadsided by a verbal "sharing" of someone whom I love very much and had considered to be inside my "safe place in life" and "my safe place in my heart." So when this person unleashed pent up anger -- no, pent up rage, and words which pierced my identity as a wife, mother, citizen and basic individual -- I struggled very hard. I listened and tried to respond ... yet I learned that pent up rage has no desire to hear. Rage only wants to wound. And I was, and am wounded. Deeply. As I listened I learned that this person had waited until I was past my surgery, past the legalities with my ex-husband and finally through with my formal classes in graduate school (I only have my internship/practicum/clinical unit to complete) -- and then they elaborated they felt I could "take the truth"... Yet, as a person and as a professional in human services, I know that "the truth" is their perspective. Which, I admit, is a partial reality -- just like my perception is partial reality.
Time shall reveal possibilities and limitations.
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Even when one is in the midst of deep hurt themselves to wound another (with words) is a selfish choice that cost the heart of the person who is hurting and the one being hurt.
ReplyDeleteThis lesson I learned first hand as I was verbally abusive to the ones I loved in the name of anger and rage. A poor excuse..Really!!!! I have since learned how to name the many emotions that lurk beneath anger and rage, giving them a voice and speaking in "I" statements, learning that my worth is not found in "Man" and accepting that I am loved beyond measure has helped heal my hurting heart so that I no longer wish to verbally attack people when I am in pain but rather find a different way to handle the hurt....MAY 2010 Bring a renewal of heart, a softening of tongues, and the growth of your family as individuals and a unit.
I read this posting and comment again today. And I am grateful to have phenomenal people, like calsoa2, in my life. This helps me return my to my "center" -- the love sent in wise words from dear friends. Thank you, calsoa2 and thank you God for bringing people into my life that share and show love.
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